Perhaps multiple relationship management (for him) reaches that critical point where it drains more energy than it produces?

Well, it certainly did when he and I were going out. Mind you knowing what I know now I'm not at all sure that wasn't due at least as much to incompetence on both our parts as to The Ineffable (Effing?) Nature Of Poly..

Yes, it's a fairly swift learning curve, I'm finding. Not as easy-going as I was expecting it to be, by any means... but, I think, worthwhile. So far  :)

I find that half the discomfort factor is the agony of watching everyone else make mistakes you'd never dream of going near. When it's not the fact that you just made the same mistake yourself and now have to face up to that, of course ;)

Poly really has taught me a lot about relating and relationships in general, it's been murder sometimes but I wouldn't miss what it's done for me for the world.

Quite so. As I said in the text, the distinctions between friendships and relationships don't really show up at the level of goodstuffodynamics (there must be a better word for it than that!), but in practice the way they work out for me is that some of the types of Good Stuff exchange that are specific to relationships work in such a way that they give me less Good Stuff when they're not done monogamously.

Stuffology?

I have a Shiny Insight that mobbsy and me came up with about this sort of thing that I really must destruct-test against your attitudes some day :) In short I think there are different _ways_ of doing the kinds of Good Stuff exchange that happens in relationships and I'm not certain I was over-competent at the ones that don't leave other people drained..