There is aways the delete key.

You could always reply with "I only help people who ask me nicely and send me chocolate. It will cost you one cadbury's twirl per instruction."

Then they will either bugger off having dismissed you as barking or enter into the spirit of the thing.

Go on - I dare you. What have you got to lose. At the worst you'll only develop a reputation "Will work for chocolate". And I think I'd be facinated at the response - which you have to post here in the interest of reporting an interesting experiment in social behaviour.

I started this comment as a joke to cheer you up and now I really want you to do it! :-)

I imagine that if I got any chocolate as a result, half of it would contain glutinous biscuit filling, and I'd probably still be unwilling to eat the other half since I'm currently trying to reverse the slight upward trend in my weight. But it's a lovely thought :-)

Well use your imagination - you have the power - you just have to develop an evil genious laugh to go with it.

Blimey, I'd be demanding all sorts of things...

Demand a list of non-trivially gluten-free items available from shops in his locality. It'll raise awareness of the issues, and you may learn something interesting. He gets one step of instructions for each such item listed.

That's brilliant!