it would therefore seem inappropriate to make it too similar to everything else you do
I think that's totally an individual judgement call. Depends on why you're getting married, what it means to you, and of course what you think makes something "special". For some people, putting the effort into having a special meal, or going to an interesting location, would be more interesting and appropriate than fancy-dress. And so on. People are different.
of course from the groom's perspective the bride's dress would undoubtedly upstage anything I might come up with, and rightly so
Er? Why is the bride supposed to upstage the groom? If that's what works for you then fair enough, but I certainly don't want it to be taken as read that I'm supposed to look better than my husband(-to-be). I'd like to think it was possible for us both to look equally good, and for us both to wear something we were happy with.
I think it's not unreasonable to make some kind of an effort
Of course not. But I also don't think there should be an obligation for that effort to be focused on dressing-up, if that's not what makes you happy. There are plenty of ways to show effort!
it wouldn't be entirely fair to have planned so much of in advance that the bride didn't get to have her say!
Indeed. :-) I've been in the position of seriously-thinking-about-wedding-plans more than once, and they've been very different plans each time -- partly because I've changed between those times, and partly because different aspects of me have been foregrounded in different relationships. Sure, most people have ideas about what they would/wouldn't want from a wedding, but there's no sense in really planning it until you're planning it with somebody.
On the other hand, you might want to make the effort to look extra-specially-smart on occasions other than weddings (your own or others'), so there's certainly no harm in thinking about that!
I look forward to seeing how you look in a suit and white tshirt. ;)
Sorry, quite right, that was badly worded. What I meant to say was that even the simplest of wedding dresses would upstage anything I can imagine myself coming up with, and that attempting to outdo it would be foolhardy and certainly involve wearing many more bells and whistles than I'd be comfortable with. By "rightly so" I didn't intend to suggest a general principle or requirement for all weddings. I'm sure a particularly flamboyant groom and a particularly simply dressed bride might see things differently.
Of course, given that the bride is currently a completely unknown quantity, she might turn out to detest wedding dresses just as much as I loathe shirts and ties, and all bets might be off. Wouldn't put money on it though.
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I think that's totally an individual judgement call. Depends on why you're getting married, what it means to you, and of course what you think makes something "special". For some people, putting the effort into having a special meal, or going to an interesting location, would be more interesting and appropriate than fancy-dress. And so on. People are different.
of course from the groom's perspective the bride's dress would undoubtedly upstage anything I might come up with, and rightly so
Er? Why is the bride supposed to upstage the groom? If that's what works for you then fair enough, but I certainly don't want it to be taken as read that I'm supposed to look better than my husband(-to-be). I'd like to think it was possible for us both to look equally good, and for us both to wear something we were happy with.
I think it's not unreasonable to make some kind of an effort
Of course not. But I also don't think there should be an obligation for that effort to be focused on dressing-up, if that's not what makes you happy. There are plenty of ways to show effort!
it wouldn't be entirely fair to have planned so much of in advance that the bride didn't get to have her say!
Indeed. :-) I've been in the position of seriously-thinking-about-wedding-plans more than once, and they've been very different plans each time -- partly because I've changed between those times, and partly because different aspects of me have been foregrounded in different relationships. Sure, most people have ideas about what they would/wouldn't want from a wedding, but there's no sense in really planning it until you're planning it with somebody.
On the other hand, you might want to make the effort to look extra-specially-smart on occasions other than weddings (your own or others'), so there's certainly no harm in thinking about that!
I look forward to seeing how you look in a suit and white tshirt. ;)
Of course, given that the bride is currently a completely unknown quantity, she might turn out to detest wedding dresses just as much as I loathe shirts and ties, and all bets might be off. Wouldn't put money on it though.
she might turn out to detest wedding dresses just as much as I loathe shirts and ties
When I got engaged for the first time I asked my sister if she'd be a bridesmaid. She gave me a Look. "Bridesmaids wear jeans and tshirts, right?"
Interestingly, she's single at the moment, too. ;-D