Bah [entries|reading|network|archive]
simont

[ userinfo | dreamwidth userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Tue 2005-08-02 13:08
Bah

I walk out to Tesco and back at lunchtime, and suffer not a whisper of hayfever. Come back to the office, sit at my desk in a clean air-conditioned room, and now I feel a sneezing fit coming on.

I also got bellowed at by louts cycling on the pavement on my way to buy lunch. In such situations I tend to relieve my annoyance by imagining that I could wave a hand and cause some vaguely appropriate justice to magically apply itself, but in this case I was particularly annoyed by being unable to think of anything suitably poetically just. For example, if I could have waved a hand and caused all the wheels to fall off their bikes, that would have been momentarily satisfying but would also have meant they were still being obnoxious near me rather than receding at high speed. Twanging them half way to Scotland would have preserved the latter property but would only have inflicted them on some other poor innocent. Nuking from orbit is probably excessive.

In other news, this is the kind of headline that makes me sorry Have I Got News For You isn't currently on air: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/08/02/wteapot02.xml.

LinkReply
[identity profile] fluffymormegil.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:11
Twanging them through their own bedroom windows?
Link Reply to this | Thread
[personal profile] simontTue 2005-08-02 12:12
I think just sending them to bed is insufficient; there needs to be a "without any supper" clause in there. Hmmm. Tell me, Mister Anderson, what good is a plateful of food if you're unable to eat?
Link Reply to this | Parent
[identity profile] feanelwa.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:16
You could make flies come out of their mouths instead of words, but only certain words or phrases like "fuck", "innit", "Coke", "crisps", "TV", "hit", "shut up", "smash it", and similar.
Link Reply to this | Thread
[personal profile] simontTue 2005-08-02 12:18
And, most importantly, "gay".
Link Reply to this | Parent | Thread
[identity profile] feanelwa.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:21
It would be slightly unfortunate if they succeeded in becoming a nicer person because they had to talk about things other than violence, and once they had time to think about real things found out they were themselves gay, though.
Link Reply to this | Parent | Thread
[personal profile] simontTue 2005-08-02 12:23
Bah, you're right. See what I mean? Nothing's quite satisfactory.
Link Reply to this | Parent
[identity profile] fluffymormegil.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:22
I think that every time they attempt to say one of those words, they should instead find themselves saying "I am stupid" in a perfect cut-glass accent. That way we don't end up with a plague of flies.
Link Reply to this | Parent | Thread
[identity profile] ewx.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:29
Just have the flies go back in through some convenient orifice.
Link Reply to this | Parent | Thread
[identity profile] fluffymormegil.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:33
That would constitute cruelty to animals.
Link Reply to this | Parent | Thread
[identity profile] ewx.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:37
I don't care. They're flies.
Link Reply to this | Parent
[identity profile] lzz.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:29
It doesn't say what they used the giant umbrella for! *feels short-changed*
Link Reply to this | Thread
[personal profile] aldabraTue 2005-08-02 12:46
Avoiding drips from the teapot?
Link Reply to this | Parent
[identity profile] ex-lark-asc.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:42
Best poetic justice for cycle-mounted louts is magicking a large lead pipe into their spokes, causing satisfying crunching sounds as they flip over the handlebars and hit the pavement head-first.
Link Reply to this | Thread
[identity profile] cartesiandaemon.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:53
But you have to write a hiaku on the pipe or it's not that poetic.
Link Reply to this | Parent
[identity profile] cartesiandaemon.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 12:54
Poetic justice: The best I can come up with is to make them have to hurry somewhere[1] and discover no-one moves out of their way because they *always* shout at people?

[1] Exactly how left to your imaginiation.
Link Reply to this
[personal profile] aldabraTue 2005-08-02 13:02
Twanging them vertically upwards several hundred metres? By the time they land near you they'll be a completely different kind of obnoxious...
Link Reply to this
[identity profile] mwk.livejournal.comTue 2005-08-02 19:45
I tend to find that me opening my mouth can make such louts at least think twice about coming over to me.

Note: This tends only to work in Engerland.
Link Reply to this
navigation
[ go | Previous Entry | Next Entry ]
[ add | to Memories ]