simont | Strangeness in the kitchen

Strangeness in the kitchen

Anyone pointing binoculars through my open kitchen window a couple of hours ago would have encountered a rather strange sight: a software engineer industriously chopping onions, while wearing a pair of blue-tinted Speedo swimming goggles. I had suddenly remembered that I had these in a cupboard along with some very elderly swimwear, and decided in a spirit of experimentation to see how they worked as impromptu eye protection against onion vapour.

As protection, they worked pretty well; the onions I bought this week are of a type which usually produce a well-above-average quantity of noxious vapour, and yet my eyes didn't sting perceptibly at all. Unfortunately, they misted up rather quickly (which I'd always assumed was an effect of wearing them in water, but apparently not) and so my vision was significantly impaired; I'm not totally convinced it was a worthwhile tradeoff.

My goggle-impaired vision was particularly inconvenient while trying to work out what had happened to my garlic crusher, which decided today was a good day to die. I put a clove of garlic in, worked the handle as usual, and was rather surprised to find a whole clove of garlic arriving on the far side of the mesh. This is where the Speedo MurkyVision™ didn't help; if I hadn't still had the goggles on I probably would have noticed quite quickly that the entire mesh had broken off the frame and swung to one side. As it was I stared at the assembly in some confusion for several minutes before finally working out – mostly by touch – what was going on. This is now the second garlic crusher I've broken by means of what I thought was perfectly normal use, viz. using it to crush garlic. (Though the previous one was much more impressive, since the mesh basket was made of thick metal and yet somehow a normal garlic-crushing level of force managed to bend it so far out of shape that it never worked again.) I'm almost tempted to wonder if I've missed some vital point about how to use the things.

Still, a garlic crusher doesn't do anything that a sharp knife and some patience can't do in a pinch, so I got my food in the end. Phew.

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I have given up with garlic crushers, they never come clean and then they corrode and break. Sharp knife + practice.

Using a knife apparently also results in more flavourful garlic, since a knife cuts through the cells rather than merely separating them from one another as a crusher does.

This is useful to know, but it also reminds me unpleasantly of things people say about giving birth, and as a result I'm very slightly squeamish about garlic.

If the object is to lyse as many of the cells as possible, homogenising it in a 1% soap solution is probably the best way. I realise this is unlikely to be helpful :-)

Leaving aside the above, I'm puzzled as to the connection to giving birth. It's better to cut the umbilical cord than hit it with a hammer? Caesareans are preferable to just squeezing the mother really tightly?

I know there's the cut/tear issue with episiotomies, but that's not quite the same as a cut/crush debate.

I was thinking of the cut/tear issue. I realise it's not quite the same, not least because ladies aren't made out of garlic.

But wouldn't it be great! Garlic lady sweat, the greatest invention since chocolate semen :)

If the object is to lyse as many of the cells as possible, homogenising it in a 1% soap solution is probably the best way. I realise this is unlikely to be helpful :-)

Also unlikely to be flavourful, I would imagine. Or palatable, I should perhaps say.

Unfortunately, they misted up rather quickly...and so my vision was significantly impaired

Interesting that they should still mist over significantly. Also, would not vision impairment also result from not being able to wear glasses with them (well, not really in a practical manner)? That would certainly affect me a lot as I'm incredibly short-sighted especially in the left eye (out of which I can see practically nothing over about a foot or so away) and it would be a pain to put on contact lenses every time I wanted to chop onions:-)

Well, you have respiring tissue inside a sealed chamber with the outside of the chamber cooler than the inside. Within a short time the eyes will produce enough water to make a fine mist on the goggles.

I knew there had to be a good explanation for it, but just being a t'ick Arts graduate, I couldn't work it out:-) I was about to ask one of the more scientifically-minded to show pity and point it out to me. Ta:-)

Well, you *can* get swimming goggles and even snorkelling/diving masks made to a prescription - I know, because I have both :-)

Also on the fogging up thing, there is a spray you can buy which you spray on to the inside of the goggles / mask which stops them fogging up. I have no idea where you would get it here, but in European ski resorts it's widely sold (for ski goggles).

bit of water would probably work.

Cor, that's clever.

I was going to ask if you could get prescription goggles and the like, but was scared of looking even more dense:-)

I wrote "googles" there initially. Almost not surprising.

best way to crush garlic is on a chopping board and a not-very-flexible bladed knife. You crush with the flat of the blade, point of knife is fulcrum (which you hold down firmly), clove of garlic close to fulcrum, adn then exert donward force on handle.

I have to disagree with you on this: the technique you described sounds kind of dangerous, since you've got to fix the fulcrum somehow. In general, slow, forceful movements present a lot more opportunity to slip and injure yourself than fast, forceful ones. Especially when the crushed object will give way in an unpredictable manner. I can see several different ways to cut fingers this way; the best cases I see involve lots of bumped knuckles, which are no fun.

The usual way to crush garlic is:

lay the clove on its side
hold a large, non-flexible, wide-bladed knife (typically chef's) level with one hand, resting on top of the garlic.
You want the garlic centered across the blade, about two inches/5cm out from the handle. Also, make sure the sharp edge is facing away from you!
using the heel of your other palm, quickly smash directly down on the center of the blade. You can do this slowly, too, just be aware.

You can also not quite center the garlic. Putting it a little bit closer to the top/unsharp of the blade means that any slips will put the cutting edge down, away from your smashing hand. Just make sure not to get your smashing fingers caught between the work surface and your blade (if you manage to do that, you have no business handling anything sharper than left-handed safety scissors).

I hate chopping onions, so I got one of those miracle chopper type gadgets. Normally I despise kitchen gadgets, but this is excellent, because you just put it on top of the onion and press the handle down, and it chops it. Keep pressing down and the curved blade rotates, chopping the onion finer and finer, and keeping it all contained within the gadget, until you're done. No more stinging eyes!

It's something rather like this:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0001IWZE0/qid=1121121143/sr=1-8/ref=sr_1_11_8/026-5744780-1670856

and works for onions, garlic, peppers, and anything else that's choppable. I am not affiliated with any gadget companies, but this has made a big difference to my life, so I thought I'd mention it.

That looks intriguing. When it says "easy to clean", does it really mean it? Is it dishwasherable?

As far as I know! Though I don't have a dishwasher for ecological reasons (oh yeah and I'm too tight).

I'm always suspicious of gadgets advertised as being 'easy to clean', as they usually aren't, but this is quite easy - you can just rinse the blade under the tap, no need to take it apart. Though if you do want to, it unscrews with one turn.

The Internet has warped my fragile little mind!

I appear to be incapable of seeing "goggle" without reading "google", now. )-8

The Internet has warped my fragile little mind!

ROFLMAO. You owe me one new keyboard.

The garlic presses which IKEA sells are excellent. Most sturdy construction, and you can even put the cloves in unpeeled, which makes cleaning them very easy as the residue comes away in one piece.

The knife crushing technique mentioned above is what you want. Additional advantages are that you don't have to peel the beggars first, and you can do multiple cloves in one go. Flat of a knife will also break a bulb into cloves a treat, with practice.

For sulphurous onions, you can also try holding a piece of bread under your nose (apparently), but I find rinsing the onion quarters in water usually sufficient.

Just chop onions whilst breathing through your mouth. Spit is the best anti-steamer for goggles. A sharp knife and a clove are soon chopped but you need to practice.

Breathing through my mouth can't help. The cause of stinging/watering eyes is the vapour coming into direct contact with the eyes, not being breathed in through the nose. (Unless the latter separately has an effect on most people via their sense of smell, but that doesn't affect me.)

This is easily proved by the experience I describe above: if wearing goggles stopped my eyes watering, it must be because the cause of watering eyes is something that can be prevented by goggles, and therefore breathing through nose or mouth is irrelevant.

Fair enough old chap. Works for me though. How odd!

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