The Church of Snooze

[simont]

It's not unheard of for people forced to get up early in the morning to describe it as ‘ungodly’ when grumbling about it, as in ‘*yawn* why do I have to get up at this ungodly hour?’.

It occurred to me, in a silly moment a few months ago, to idly wonder if that phrase has only ever been used as hyperbole, or if there might ever have been a real religion which considered the early morning to be genuinely and literally ungodly. Some sort of breakaway Christian subsect, perhaps, who hold that not only did God have a bit of a rest on the seventh day but he also didn't get out of bed until nearly noon on the previous six. The keystone of your worship as a member of that sect, naturally, would be what you did on a Sunday morning – you'd stay in bed, with great reverence and solemnity, and cry sacrilege and blasphemy at any miserable heretic who dared try to make you get up.

In an unrelated conversation with atreic recently, she made the lighthearted suggestion that perhaps the main benefit of humanity having achieved sentience was that it conferred the ability to properly appreciate the pleasurable nature of sleep, as a contrast to all that thinking.

Suddenly I realised that my fictional sleep-obsessed religion had met its nemesis: atreic's line of thinking there would clearly be its evolutionist counterpart, its personal sleep-obsessed Richard Dawkins! In a world containing both, there'd be huge philosophical debates all over the national media about whether sleep was great because it was God's grand plan or because it was the pinnacle of human evolution.

But it would be noticeable, to anyone paying attention, that no cut or thrust in the ongoing public debate on the subject ever took place before two in the afternoon at the earliest. :-)

Comments

An insomniac writes

[mooism.livejournal.com]

Would there be a special place in Hell for all those who experience the early morning from the other side? Or a special place in Heaven?

[simont]

My instincts say that special places in Hell should be reserved for people who keep other people awake, or wake them up. It seems fairly clear that insomniacs would be greatly pitied due to their unfortunate difficulty in experiencing the Divine, and come to think of it I expect the Church of Snooze would be keen to fund medical research into helping them.

I'm less sure what the attitude would be toward people who stayed up all night voluntarily. But fortunately, I'm not actually considering founding the CoS, and hence I'm not actually required to solve all its doctrinal difficulties :-)

(Hmm. The unpleasant thought does, however, occur to me that I've inadvertently invented yet another religion which concerns itself excessively with what people do in bed...)

[pne.livejournal.com]

and come to think of it I expect the Church of Snooze would be keen to fund medical research into helping them.

I wonder whether it would be similar to the position of homosexuality in some parts of society, with some claiming it's a lifestyle choice, others that it's genetic, others that it's a disease which can and/or should be "cured"; etc.

[deliberateblank.livejournal.com]

Fuck mornings, and fuck Skinfaxi.

[cartesiandaemon.livejournal.com]

I believe Homer (in the Simpsons) once discovered a very similar religion. It was rejected, but there were hints it was a valid if unorthodox interpretation :)

[sphyg.livejournal.com]

> the ability to appreciate the pleasurable nature of sleep

Or the ability to be annoyed that the body requires sleep, while the brain wants to stay up and do fun things!

[teleute.livejournal.com]

Some sort of breakaway Christian subsect, perhaps, who hold that not only did God have a bit of a rest on the seventh day but he also didn't get out of bed until nearly noon on the previous six.

When you find it (or found it!) let me know. And tell my son too.