I mentioned two weeks ago that I'd cut my fingers chopping onions again.

A few days after that I managed to cut my foot in the kitchen: I dropped a plate, which shattered on the floor, and since I happened to be barefoot at the time my toe was gashed open by a sharp piece of flying crockery.

And last night I splashed boiling water over my hand while taking a pan of potatoes off the hob, and not content with that threw half the potatoes over the kitchen in the process.

I've bought an onion-chopping gadget, but it's possible that what I should have bought instead was a chef, so that I could never set foot in a kitchen again.