I decided the other day that it was about time I did some spring cleaning; specifically, scrubbing the encrusted gunk and scum off various kitchen and bathroom surfaces. The scouring pads I normally use for washing up are the kind designed not to annoy non-stick saucepans, which makes them far too feeble for a task like this. So I wrote ‘vicious scourers of death’ on my shopping list and went out to Sainsburys.

The scourers I came back with have a fantastic warning message on the back of the pack: ‘CAUTION: This Scotch Brite® scour pad is a highly effective scouring tool.’

The warning then goes on to explain that you should therefore not use them on anything scratchable, polished, varnished, non-stick or otherwise vulnerable to being fatally scoured, and gives a lengthy list of unsuitable surfaces, which is all reasonable enough; but I can't help but find it slightly amusing that consumers have to be warned with dire capitals and boldface that a product performs its intended function well. One is left with the feeling that perhaps the quality of other scouring pad products have conditioned people to expect mediocrity so that they might be startled at not getting it.

I suppose it's not actually all that silly: other very efficient products might also carry semantically similar warnings. Superglue tends to be sold with warnings pointing out that it sticks things together so well that it can easily be inconvenient and/or dangerous; and it wouldn't be too unreasonable to put a warning on a kitchen knife which was above-averagely sharp. So I think it must just be the wording of this particular warning which amuses me. Also, there's the interesting fact that if the same sentence had appeared on the front of the pack I would probably have dismissed it as self-serving marketing propaganda bearing no relation to product quality, but seeing it in the warning section on the back makes me believe it more readily and think ‘aha, just what I need’.

Still, the scourers didn't disappoint; several bits of my flat are now cleaner than they've been in years. In fact the draining board on which I put dirty crockery is now so clean that I'm reluctant to put any dirty crockery on it, which is clearly a risk I should have anticipated!