When I was about ten, I remember having a very hazy idea of what I would eventually end up doing when I was grown-up and didn't live with my parents any more.

I hadn't quite twigged that the majority of my time would be taken up by a regular job; and also I wasn't so much into programming at the time (since I'd sort of taken a two-year break from the whole idea to play computer games instead). One of the things I had just discovered, on the other hand, was the fun of building polyhedra and other models and objects using cardboard and glue.

I vividly remember wondering, in an incoherent sort of way, what I'd be doing around the year 2000. The best idea I could think of was that I'd be doing roughly what I was doing right then, which was sitting at home making cardboard models of things; only since I'd have grown up and left home, I wouldn't have a family around to wave them at once I'd finished and say ‘ooh, isn't it pretty?’. I remember the sudden chill as I realised that having a house to myself and lots of spare time actually didn't sound nearly as fun as it should have been.

I'd completely forgotten this rather depressing childhood vision of my future; but as a result of my recent venture into automated polyhedron construction, I actually have recently made two polyhedra using cardboard and glue, and this suddenly jogged my memory. I thought back then that I'd spend my adulthood wandering aimlessly around a house too big for me, trying not to feel lonely at the lack of a bickering family to share it with, and resorting to increasingly arcane hobby activities in a desperate effort to stave off boredom.

Good job it turned out to be almost completely wrong, really. Instead of that, I have so much stuff I either want or have to do that it's a constant struggle to find any peace and quiet; I know I prefer living alone to having a bunch of housemates and wouldn't have it any other way any more; and I may not have a family, but when I create something useful or pretty I'm decidedly not short of people to wave it at and impress.

Suddenly I want to go back in time and show my ten-year-old self a vision of this lot, to reassure him that it wouldn't end up being nearly that bad. This is unusual, since normally when I think of my ten-year-old self what I mostly want to do is go back and thump him.

In other news, last week was possibly the busiest and most hectic week I've had in some time. This was partly due to work (impending release), and partly due to PuTTY (impending release). I've felt absolutely shattered since about Thursday, and today I couldn't face going in to work at all (it was taking me thirty seconds to get from one end of a single coherent thought to the other).

I would ideally go back to bed, therefore, but I know I wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway. I suspect a relaxing bath might be the next best thing.

In the previous entry I also intended to mention that I feel ill as well as tired, and to speculate that perhaps I was putting off actually becoming ill until I'd finished all the hectic dashing around last week. But I completely forgot to say all that before posting the entry. I think that adequately illustrates my level of competence right now :-)