Bah

[simont]

I walk out to Tesco and back at lunchtime, and suffer not a whisper of hayfever. Come back to the office, sit at my desk in a clean air-conditioned room, and now I feel a sneezing fit coming on.

I also got bellowed at by louts cycling on the pavement on my way to buy lunch. In such situations I tend to relieve my annoyance by imagining that I could wave a hand and cause some vaguely appropriate justice to magically apply itself, but in this case I was particularly annoyed by being unable to think of anything suitably poetically just. For example, if I could have waved a hand and caused all the wheels to fall off their bikes, that would have been momentarily satisfying but would also have meant they were still being obnoxious near me rather than receding at high speed. Twanging them half way to Scotland would have preserved the latter property but would only have inflicted them on some other poor innocent. Nuking from orbit is probably excessive.

In other news, this is the kind of headline that makes me sorry Have I Got News For You isn't currently on air: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/08/02/wteapot02.xml.

Comments

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

You could make flies come out of their mouths instead of words, but only certain words or phrases like "fuck", "innit", "Coke", "crisps", "TV", "hit", "shut up", "smash it", and similar.

[simont]

And, most importantly, "gay".

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

It would be slightly unfortunate if they succeeded in becoming a nicer person because they had to talk about things other than violence, and once they had time to think about real things found out they were themselves gay, though.

[simont]

Bah, you're right. See what I mean? Nothing's quite satisfactory.

[fluffymormegil.livejournal.com]

I think that every time they attempt to say one of those words, they should instead find themselves saying "I am stupid" in a perfect cut-glass accent. That way we don't end up with a plague of flies.

[ewx.livejournal.com]

Just have the flies go back in through some convenient orifice.

[fluffymormegil.livejournal.com]

That would constitute cruelty to animals.

[ewx.livejournal.com]

I don't care. They're flies.